Tuesday, September 04, 2007

BlackTop MotorCycle Gang Reading Raid on the Nude Dude’s Stomping Grounds

It was a dark and stormy sunny day by Freddie the Nude Dude when strangeness began to brew from the streets. Weirdness converged from across the street and down the street and from the promenade-like grounds in front of City Hall.

The air filled with a dangerous energy. Sparrows in the concrete stopped twitching. In the belfry, a pigeon saw God and died. Mothers herded their children indoors to safety. But nothing would ever be save again. Nothing would ever be the same again.

The BlackTop MotorCycle Gang was on a raging reading raid and even God's deepest secrets would soon be spread on the sidewalk.

Freddie the Nude Dude was much troubled by the convergence of the BlackTop MotorCycle Gang encroaching on his grounds of personal havoc (see Ladies of the Fountain someday when it’s published).

It started innocuously with WhiteFeather, Old Skull, Broken Joe, Johnny Heinstein and SaraBeth (a murder victim in one of the BTMGer’s novels).

Old Skull said, “I feeling very innocuous.”

“I felt that way once,” said Broken Joe. “The 60s cured me.”

“I’m dead,” said SaraBeth. “I’m feeling really shitty about that. And innocuous.”

“Just look at this,” said Broken Joe, showing the back of his shirt. “Instant cure for innocuous.”

And it worked.

Suddenly feeling innocuousated, Old Skull and Johnny jumped up on the fountain ledge and began reading from Johnny’s infamous Boxes poems.

WhiteFeather – not one to be fooled by pretty words and pre-bicameral thinking – said, “Johnny, I think you spelled the word “a” wrong in the piece that Old Skull just read.”

Johnny became very angry about at the discovery of his “a” literacy, and read so impassionedly that he didn’t notice Chris punching him in the side of the head in the hopes that it would shake his brain cells up enough to recognize the proper spelling of the word “a.”

As Broken Joe watched himself on his computer being watched by the web cam across the street, SaraBeth said, “Who the hell has problems spelling the word ‘a?’ I mean, take the word 4 … now there’s a toughie.”

WhiteFeather read with passion and conviction and never once spelled the word “a” wrong. However, she did mispronounce the word 4. Twice.

But she was very Canadian with the flag flying behind her, so everyone just nodded and said, “Them Canuks, ain’t they just wunnerful people fer cryin’ out loud?”

Suddenly something grew out of WhiteFeather’s leg – something with a camera – and it started taking pictures.

This triggered a picture-taking frenzy, with Old Skull moving in for the still and showing much attitude, Broken Joe capturing pictures of the photo carnage on his laptop through the web cam, and Chris taking pictures with his eyes closed, the visual atrocigraphy being too much to bear.

Biff gave an impassioned reading with a veritable smorgasbord of vile language and literary energy. He gave himself a hernia and punctuated every second sentence with the word “ouch.”

Biff jumped around in pain so much that Chris couldn’t get a well-focused picture. “Stop moving!” he yelled at Biff.

“Ouch!” yelled Biff and jumped to the left.

“I mean it!” yelled Chris.

“Ouch!” yelled Biff and jumped to the right.

Chris threw his camera at Biff’s head.

Mireille said, “Don’t worry, Biff, I got a picture of Chris’s cruelty to poet’s by focusing right between these two fingers and … oops … I guess the camera wasn’t exactly pointing in the same direction. Would you like a picture of my chin?”

Broken Joe did his famous under over flip and shoot away thing and got an even better shot of Mireille’s chin.

Joe was up next to read and did a perfectly Canadian job of spelling the word ‘a’ correctly and never once mispronouncing the word 4.

An unidentified bald guy thought, “Every fucking one of them misspelled the word ‘b.’”


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