A Few Thoughts on Summer and Winter

If you live in the Cayman Islands, this message isn't for you. This is for those who live in areas of the world afflicted by climatic events involving snow, high winds and freezing temperatures. In short ... winter.

I've been around for more of my fair share of them and I'm fed up with the uneven scheduling. Around here we get winter for six months, summer for two months, and spring and fall for about two weeks each. Don't ask me where the rest of the time goes. It sure as hell doesn't translate into summer.

Around here we spend our lives freezing our asses off, skidding on roads, paying ridiculous heating bills, dressing in suffocating layers of clothing, pretending to like sledding and skating in sub-zero temperatures that obviously freeze our brains into non-fuctioning entities ... and then winter starts.

Well, I'm sick of it. I'm not doing this winter thing anymore. This winter, I'm hibernating. Bears do it. Bugs do it. Biff begins with a 'B'. I'm doing it.

Over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to eat a hundred pounds of acorns and drink a hundred flats of beer. And then I'm going to sleep until June 8, my birthday. Don't call me. Don't email me. Don't send me letters. Here I go. Mmmm ... acorns. Bye bye winter blues. Guzzle guzzle. Hey buddy, pass some of those mixed nuts this way ...