I've had his blog since 2004 and, according to the Google Stats, there's several hundred posts and lots of pictures. I have a new blog now called Silence Says It All and I won't be posting here anymore.

I was going to delete this blog, but I started going through it and realized that there's a lot of content that I really don't want to part with. Most of the posts in the last couple of years appear to be self-serving promotions for my workshops and books, but the earlier stuff has some public value.

However, the link to the recipe for dandelion wine no longer works. I have to fix that in the new blog.

In both blogs, my bio remains the same.

Twisted Tails VII: Irreverance - A Strange Twist

Strange. I have a story called Ladies of the Foutain in the lastest Twisted Tails anothology, Twisted Tails VII: Irreverance.

I submitted Ladies of the Fountain to the first Twisted Tails anthology. It was rejected. J. Richard Jacobs, the editor, said: "Don't ever insult us again with this kind of overwritten, irreverant mush." He's actually a nice person and only beats us when we don't meet his expectations. About once a week.

But this volume's theme is irreverance. I get to be politically incorrect, nasty and totally irreverant. And I dropped 1000 words from the original.

Ladies of the Fountain is about four muses coming to life on a quiet summer morning in Freddie Beach, New Brunswick after some idiot with a ponytail and no life makes three wishes in a, apparently, magic fountain. The ladies spread havoc and party throughout the downtown core of the city and wrap things up with a mid-morning mass orgy in Piper's Lane.

But the journey to the orgy is...well...irreverant.

And this is just one of the stories in Twisted Tails VII: Irreverance.

The Drawing out of 105 Personal Demons: An Exploration of Personal Darkness Through Mindless Drawing

Our demons begin infesting us early in life―around the time we’re infants, before we can walk or talk, when the bottle or breast takes a long threatening time to arrive, not to mention, in the case of men, having your foreskin sliced off. They say we don’t remember these things and maybe we don’t, at least not consciously. But everything that happens to us is recorded somewhere in our bodies or minds, and some part of us never forgets them. It’s in these regions of our being that most of our personal demons reside and nibble away at us like an itch beyond scratching until the day we release them.

But sometimes we’re reluctant to release them, a fact that used to baffle me until I got some much-needed counseling from a psychologist who spent most of our sessions talking about Monty Python. The psychologist recommended a few books that I could read to find out what was going on in my head; thus, freeing up more session time to talk about Monty Python.

This is what I learned from those books―we get used to misery. In fact, we get so used to it that we’ll sometimes do everything in our power to stay miserable because it’s the devil we know and God help us if we ever had to be happy. Like, happy day after day.

So we let our demons rampage through our personal horizons until we go nuts, die, or change our minds about the misery thing.

From an artistic point, I think our demons give texture and dimension to our lives. They make us interesting and they make life interesting when they’re not killing us or making our lives unbearably interesting.

The Drawing Out of 105 Personal Demons is an exploration of personal darkness through mindless drawing...105 mindless drawings.

For more about this project, download the free ebook. This book documents the demons and the process used to create them.

The demons, all 105 of them will be on display at Studio4Ward from July 5 to 30 beginning with this summer's first Culture Crawl.

Recipe for Dandelion Winte

It's on Page 50 of A Twisted Tale About Twisted Tails.

Biff Mitchell’s Writing Hurts Like Hell 2nd Spring Workshop

Put aside just four evenings and do something you’ve always dreamed of…start your novel―the one you’re always talking about. The Writing Hurts Like Hell 2nd Spring Workshop will give you the tools to start and finish your novel no matter how busy your schedule. You’ll learn how to create characters that breathe and worlds that intrigue. You’ll learn how to get your ideas out of your head and onto paper or screen where you can see them and turn them into a story. You’ll defeat personal demons. Plus, you’ll have fun! Classes will be in malls, bars, outdoors (weather permitting)―everywhere. No experience needed…we start from scratch.

Though the emphasis will be on fiction, whether you want to write a novel, short stories, poetry, business or technical documents or just write emails that will astound your friends…this workshop will get your creative juices flowing. Try your first class free before you decide if this is really for you.


May 21 – May 30
Tuesdays and Thursdays
6:30 PM till 8:30 PM (first class will be at 7 PM on Monday, May 21)
Price: $60

To enrol, or for more information:
Email: biff@biffmitchell.com
Phone: 455-BIFF
Or, show up at the first session (May 21) for free at Studio4Ward, 384 Queen Street (across the street from City Hall)

Imagine a 24" x 36" Robbie Burns in your livingroom next Robbie Burns Day.

Hey folks,


I’ll be running in the Relay for Life on June 8 (which, as it happens, will also be my next 29th birthday). So, I’m going to hit all my friends, associates, family, complete strangers, friends and families of complete strangers, people I haven’t seen in years,... people I’ve never seen, second and third cousins twice removed (whatever the hell that means). You obviously fit neatly into this.

But this won’t be just any sponsorship in which you shower me with money and just get to feel good knowing that you did the right thing and now God’s gonna love you to pieces and open the gates of heaven on the day you meet.

Here’s the deal: Everyone who sponsors me will have their name put in a draw for a breathtaking 24x36 inch photograph of Robbie Burns (as shown on this page), the Scottish poet who laid the groundwork for punk rock over two hundred years ago. This is a one-of-a-kind picture, not available at Walmart, Amazon or The Dollar Store. I took it myself at one of those moments when the lighting was just right for about 3 seconds before darkness fell like spilled ink and my camera battery died. Talk about timing.

BTW, donations of 20 bucks or more are tax deductible. You can donate here:

http://tinyurl.com/dxhxdrw

Make sure that you use a name I’ll recognize in the Donation Information field so that I know to put your name in the draw.

The draw will be held June 8, 2012 at the relay site (Fredericton Exhibition Grounds).

BUT WAIT: That’s not all! After we draw for the winner of the Robbie Burns picture, we’ll also draw three more times. Each of these three incredibly lucky people will win a picture shoot of their choice: family portrait, social media profile picture or other (within reason…sorry…no wedding pictures ... and really can't travel to Tibet, much as I'd like to). These will be five high resolution JPEGs.

Why am I doing this? Well, my mother had breast cancer. It ruined her life. Slowly. It chipped away at everything she ever was. It’s time to end this ugly disease and the ugly things it does to beautiful people. Like my mother.

Thanks for your support.

Biff

Start Your Novel This Summer

Biff Mitchell’s Writing Hurts Like Hell Spring Workshop

 Put aside just four evenings and do something you’ve always dreamed of…start your novel―the one you’re always talking about. The Writing Hurts Like Hell Spring Workshop will give you the tools to start and finish your novel no matter how busy your schedule. You’ll learn how to create characters that breathe and worlds that intrigue. You’ll learn how to get your ideas out of your head and onto paper or screen where you can see them and turn them into a story. You’ll defeat personal demons. Plus, you’ll have fun! Classes will be in malls, bars, outdoors (weather permitting)―everywhere. No experience needed…we start from scratch.

Though the emphasis will be on fiction, whether you want to write a novel, short stories, poetry, business or technical documents or just write emails that will astound your friends…this workshop will get your creative juices flowing. Try your first class free before you decide if this is really for you.

May 8 – May 17
Tuesdays and Thursdays
6:30 PM till 8:30 PM
Price: $60

To enrol, or for more information:
Email: biff@biffmitchell.com
Phone: 455-BIFF
Or, show up at the first session (May 8) for free at Starbucks, Regent Mall

Biff Mitchell's novels have been published in Canada, Australia and the United States. His blend of off-beat humor and surrealism make him one of Canada’s most obscure writers. Besides being a regular contributor to the award-winning Twisted Tails anthologies, his short fiction and not-poetry has appeared in anthologies, collections, ezines, magazines and on CBC Radio.

A Touch of Time

Here's a story that was initially published in Rose & Thorn Magazine a few years ago. It was fun writing this one. It's called A Touch of Time. Click the title to read.

The Reality Wars

My latest novel, The Reality Wars, was released a couple of weeks ago complete with lurid cover in the tradition of Kilgore Trout. Here's a little about the book:

Cassie Mae Hayes is the idol of the universe. For a thousand years, she’s been triumphant in the Reality Wars, a deadly series of online games played every 100 years and broadcast throughout the galaxies. But Cassie, a sentient software program, is tormented by the death of her virtual mother after her human father abandoned them 2000 years earlier. Now, he’s back…just in time to abandon her again as he goes off to save the universe with the help of a computer virus that thinks it’s Buddha.

The Reality Wars is set in a universe devoid of intelligent life other than humans, clones and sentient software. Life spans extend into thousands of years, but after the mysteries of Creation have been explored, mapped and explained away, boredom and death-wish define human nature. Genetically connected to an internet based on the vibrations that compose the stuff of existence, humans share online life equally with virtual reality people.

The Reality Wars will not just pit human against software, but throw four extraordinary women into a life-or-death contest that turns deadlier than ever from a new twist… it’s run in both the virtual and real worlds against the backdrop of an inter-galactic war that will change the very nature of the universe.

The Reality Wars is now available at Amazon (Kindle Reader), Chapters/Indigo (Kobo Reader), Barnes & Noble (Nook Reader), Powell’s (Android, iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch), Reader Store (Sony Reader) and others.

Get Published in 2012

Getting published could be the hardest thing you’ll ever do—or the easiest. Get Published in 2012 prepares you to search for publishers or agents the right way, without wasting time. You’ll learn how to identify and contact the right publishers for your work (fiction or non-fiction); how to prepare a publishing toolkit, including a publisher tracking sheet, long and short synopses, query and covering letters, author bio and publication history (even if you don’t already have anything published).

You’ll learn how to prepare a marketing plan for those publishers who demand them in the submission process. You’ll also learn how to receive free critiques of your work, how to deal with rejection and how to avoid scams. We’ll look at traditional forms of publishing, self-publishing and electronic publishing.

Everyone will also receive a free copy of eMarketing Tools for Writers, 3rd Edition.

Instructor: Biff Mitchell
Date: Saturday, January14
Time: 10 AM till 4:30 PM (with a one hour break at noon)
Place: Studio4Ward, 384 Queen Street (across from City Hall)
Workshop Fee: $60
To enroll or learn more, call 455-BIFF (2433) or email biff@biffmitchell.com.