Reading for the Maritime Writers’ Workshop and Literary Festival

Following in the monumental disaster of my last reading for the Maritime Writers’ Workshop and Literary Festival, I’m going to set the stage for an even greater disaster … two readings in one day! That’s right. From 10:00 AM June 3 (that’s late Saturday morning for the early-to-rise-impaired) till noon, I’ll be reading from my books on the patch of grass directly across from the Boyce Farmer’s Market on Brunswick Street. These will be stories for young and old … or at least … nothing offensive to young ears. Newborns, however, may express confusion with comments like “Dah?” meaning “What the hell is he talking about?”

At 1:30 PM (that’s right around the time the early-to-rise-impaired should be risen and out doing things), I’ll be reading by the fountain on The Green. This story is not for young ears and may not even be appropriate for those with mistaken Victorian sensibilities. I’ll be reading a story called Ladies of the Fountain. It’s about a man who throws pennies into the fountain and wishes for the three ladies to come to life and be his companions … among other things. Language and adult content abound.

I’ll be giving away Festival posters at both readings.

As for the Fountain story, it’s set in Fredericton and starts at the fountain on The Green. And it’s a true story taken from my days in the 60s when everything I deemed to be true was true. Here’s the pictorial tour of Ladies of the Fountain.

This is the fountain where it all starts with the world's biggest loser making a wish that plunges his life into mayhem.

Here's what the CNR bridge looks like from where the loser stands while his wish comes chillingly true just a few yards behind him.

This is the hotel in the story. Strange things happen here, things that should never escape into the reality of the printed word.

This is the German bakery where the ladies fill up on pastries and everything else they can gobble up after centuries without food.

This is the craft show where the ladies inspire a whole new generation of artisans.

This is the area where the ladies talk about inspiring some of the greatest minds in the arts and sciences.

Something strange and supernatural happens in front of City Hall. Mayor Brad Woodside would likely make his longest speech ever to save the city from panic ... about 39 seconds. (Bless you, Brad.)

Piper’s Lane becomes the scene of a new renaissance in art … and the biggest, baddest party of all time. This is where the story climaxes in more ways than one.

Reading at the Lighthouse in July

So ... what Andrew didn't tell me was that when novelist Charles Foran and I read at the Lighthouse on July 11, we'll be reading from the top of the building, not the deck. Apparently, this makes it easier to throw us to our deaths if they don't like what they hear.

On the other hand, this will make it more difficult for muggers to find us.

Reading for the Maritime Writers' Workshop - Or Not

OK, so there I was a 7:30 AM (AM!) on Saturday morning on a patch of grass across the street from the Boise Farmer's Market with a blue blanket displaying book marks, Maritime Writers' Workshop brochures and posters, and a big glass jar filled with pennies. The jar had a sign about me paying people a penny it they'd just listen to a few lines of my reading from my books. I even had a beach chair.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any coffee. Or a coat. And the promised warm day didn't start till sometime in the afternoon.

The idea was ... I would sit there and read from my books and people would come over and listen and take some of the promotional material and maybe even spread the word about the workshop.

But classes were over at both universities (which meant the town's population was down to 300 and none of them were at the market). It was lonely and cold. I asked a sleepy squirrel if he'd be interested in a story but he just scowled at me and said: "All I want's the nuts, asshole. Stick your story where the sun don't shine."

Damn squirrels.

A few people walked by and saw me and quickly turned away, hiding their faces and looking like the last thing on earth they wanted was to hear a story. A woman with two boys carrying sandwiches approached me with big smiles and asked what I was doing. Before I had a chance to answer, they mugged me and stole most of the pennies. Passersby watched and nodded agreement.

But I hunkered in and stayed where I was, ready to read. As soon as anybody came close enough to where I was sitting. Finally, a man walked by with his daughter. They were carrying bratwursts in buns and pop. I asked if they'd like to hear a story while they ate. "Go to hell," said the daughter. Her father kicked the jar over and the remaining pennies sank into the grass and disappeared.

It was getting close to ten. More people were starting to show up. I said to hell with it and started reading. But I couldn't read. I was frozen. I was shivering. My fingers were stiff. My voice was breaking. And everyone at the market was turning backs on me. Here's the proof:

So I packed it in and went straight to the Second Cup Coffee Shop and drank coffee till I dropped. I'm still there. On the floor. Under a table.

But I'll be back at the market next Saturday, weather permitting. This time at 10 AM when it's warmer. And I'll have a thermos of coffee and many many weapons. And then I'll take to the street corners. And when they take the hut off the fountain by the green with the three ladies, I'll be there reading my latest short story: Ladies of the Fountain. It's a dirty story. Don't miss it.

Twisted Tails Twists Tales Out of World’s Most Twisted Writers

Summary: The most twisted collection of stories from the unlikeliest group of writers makes its debut at Double Dragon Publishing, Fictionwise, and Lulu. Twisted Tails editor J. Richard Jacobs admits to twisted tactics in forcing writers around the world to produce on time.

(May 1, 2006, Hong Kong) “I did it for art,” said J. Richard Jacobs, editor of Twisted Tails: An Anthology to Surprise and Delight (Double Dragon Publishing, ISBN: 1-55404-339-5) “But more likely I was just crazy enough to believe that something like this could actually happen.”

Reports of J. Richard Jacob’s unusual methods began surfacing throughout the publishing world just hours after the book’s release. According to Twisted Tails author Eugen M. Bacon: “It was like a ghastly dream. Horrific. Every which way I turned, there he was, J, wizard beard and all. Waving a finger, asking, demanding. Finally I complied. One story in a week, I promised.”

There were even stories of Jacobs visiting writers in their homes. “I remember,” said author K.L. Nappier. “I thought it was some weird nightmare. Waking up, unable to move ... the room so hot ... the smell of sulfur ... strange people surrounding my bed, chanting ... J. Richard Jacobs in a black, gossamer robe, a horned crown ... directing them to put a pen in my hand ... putting paper beneath the pen ... I saw myself writing, writing ...”

Speaking from his Swiss chalet overlooking Hong Kong, Jacobs admits: “I was drunk out of my skull when I did it and I don't remember anything more about it. Now, will you please leave me alone?”

There have been reports of threats made against Jacobs’ life by other anthology authors; notably Peter Prellwitz and Biff Mitchell. Mitchell, angry that he was duped into supplying cheap beer and a constant supply of pizza to Jacobs, refused to make any comment, however his gay cat, Pico, shrugged significantly.

A visibly shaken Prellwitz said, “He (Jacobs) called me up and told me he'd found the cooked books, buried bodies, and difficult-to-explain photos. Of course I doubted him at first. But when he emailed me the video of my daschund actually in the tutu, I realized I was trapped into writing stories for Twisted Tails. I hate his (Jacobs) guts.”

Another Twisted Tails writer, Jeremy Davies, says of Jacobs, “The editor? I hate the man.”

Twisted Tails has been described as a unique collection of short fiction from a wide spectrum of genre and writing styles ranging from science fiction and fantasy to dark humor and mainstream. Each of the authors was asked to submit up to four stories, each with a twist at the end. The stories were supposed to reflect the writers’ individual styles, but this did not always appear to be the case.

"Personally, I think J. Richard Jacobs has some kind of power over writers' minds or something,” said author Marilyn Peake. “Last I heard, I was a children's author. Next thing I knew, I had written three twisted tales. Twisted, I tell you - about witch burnings, UFO's, aliens. It's just not right, I tell you!"

Author Jamie Hughes edited one of Jacobs previous books, only to end up on the Twisted Tails chain gang: “"He seemed like such a nice man at first, even sent me cookies, but those cookies must have been laced with something because I woke up chained, and compelled to write."

Publisher Deron Douglas said: “This is a new model we’re experimenting with at Double Dragon Publishing. We hire demons to do the editing. Twisted Tails suggests that we’re on the right track.”

Twisted Tails contains stories by K.L. Nappier, Jeremy Davies, Steve Lazarowitz, Eugen M. Bacon, J. Richard Jacobs, Marilyn Peake, D.L. White, Peter Prellwitz, Biff Mitchell, Margaret Whitley, Jamie A. Hughes and Terence West. It’s available in ebook format at Double Dragon Publishing and Fictionwise, and in paperback at Lulu.com.

Twisted Tails: An Anthology To Surprise and Delight
Publisher: Double Dragon Publishing
Genre: Anthology/Science Fiction/Fantasy/Humor
Editor: J. Richard Jacobs
ISBN: 1-5540-4339-5
EBook Price: 5.99 USD
Paperback Price: 23.99 USD
Number of Pages: 556

Contact:

Deron Douglas
Publisher, Double Dragon Publishing
info@double-dragon-ebooks.com