Murdered by eBay

So there I was – my auction on eBay all set up to auction off the opportunity to be murdered in my next novel, Murder by Burger, my web site all set up with a special page to promote the auction, tons of media releases, emails, sent out and phone calls made. I was interviewed by radio stations, contacted by phone and through email by other media outlets all wanting to know more about my eBay campaign, Murder on eBay. Hits on my web site went through the ceiling. The bids at eBay went from a penny to over $300 in just a few days. Everything was going just hunky-dory peachy-keen fine wonderful and exuberant.

Then eBay pulled the plug.

Seems I broke a few rules. It was my first eBay experience. I was in a hurry to get things moving because, well, when you come up with a great idea, it’s not going to be long before somebody else comes up with the same idea. It’s in the nature of great ideas. And this was a great idea. But I broke a few rules in my haste.

First – and I can understand this one – I included a link to the site where my latest book, The War Bug, is being sold. I did this to establish credibility. I mean, I’m not Stephen King or Danielle Steele. The size of the reading public that knows about me is, oh, let me see, not exactly the phone book in, um, Zealand, New Brunswick. So I figured if I put in a link to my latest book, and even let people know they could buy it there, then potential bidders would say, “Hey look! I can buy this Biff guy’s book. He must really be able to get me into a book that’s gonna be published some day.”

Second – and this one’s a bit fuzzy – I included a link to my web site, which has all kinds of information about my books and even offers free downloads of short stories, poems, and other stuff. Not allowing an author to create a link to his or her web site in an auction in which the author’s credibility as an author is almost surely to be a decisive factor in the bidder’s decision to bid or not, is like cutting the author’s hands off and saying, “Let’s see that great book in an hour.”

Well, maybe not exactly like that. But something like that.

Third – and this one is just plain anal – I included a list of publishers past and present to assure potential bidders that I stood a chance of getting the book published. It went something like this: “Double Dragon Publishing (Canada), Echelon Press (US), Jacobyte Books (Australia), eBookStand (US), ShortStuffBooks…” No URLs. No recommendations. No enticements to purchase. Just a list of publishers, and ShortStuffBooks doesn’t even exist anymore. And I no longer have books with eBookStand or Jacobyte Books.

Here’s what the Policy Police at eBay had to say about this: “We realize you may not be aware of this policy, but using such terms in this way is considered "Search Manipulation," which is not permitted by eBay. Search Manipulation is any practice that results in searches on eBay returning irrelevant listings or that otherwise inhibits a user's ability to accurately locate specific items. There are several types of Search Manipulation, including: Keyword Spamming - Keyword spamming is the practice of including brand names or other inappropriate "keywords" in a title or description for the purpose of gaining attention or diverting users to a listing.”

And it goes on and on with examples and permutations on keyword misuse, et al.

Hey fellas! It’s just a list of my publishers. I’m not trying to trick anybody. If you use your common sense instead of your policy book, you’ll see that, in this context, the list is appropriate. Nothing establishes an author's credibility more than a long list of publishers.

And get this – I received separate emails for each of the above violations, each informing me that my auction had been terminated. In effect, they terminated my one auction not once but three times!

OK, so I’ve been a bad eBoy. But I don’t think I deserve to be tromped, stomped and barbequed. I sent a letter of apology and asked that my listing be reinstated if I deleted all the offending references. I told them about how the auction was tied into a larger campaign, how it was the pivotal piece in something that had cost me a lot of time and money. They sent me one of those “you-can’t-respond-to-this-so-don’t-even-bother” emails reiterating (as they stated in the three previous emails) that all fees owed by me would be charged to my account and they included links to their policies and terms, et al.

Pretty shabby, if you ask me. I mean, some human had to have seen the listing to determine that it had policy-bereft content. That same human could have sent me a notice that it had been suspended until I fixed it (especially since they were charging me full price). That same human being could have just deleted the offending entries. And I don’t think eBay is so poor that they can’t afford to hire a few humans to scan incoming listings for violations.

But then, I’m just one little person in the eBay scheme of things. And they have my money. They pointed out four times that they have my money. Man, you really know they have your money when…

So I started a new auction. I stripped out all the offending things (like names of my publishers) and went with a less expensive listing. Just in case they pull the plug on me again - and keep my money. Live and learn, I guess.

(The new auction runs till Monday, October 18 at: http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5526854808)